Motherhood. It’s full of joy and excitement, but there are also many times of loneliness and exhaustion. Fortunately we forget quickly how difficult that time was when we were essentially running around like chickens with our heads cut off. Those moments of utter defeat and desperation don’t last forever, but in the moment they can feel like an eternity.
This post is going to be full of honesty. I need to be honest with myself in order to learn and move on.
I’ve realized lately that I’m not perfect. Ha, big surprise right? I strive to be a loving wife and mother, but sometimes I blow it. Like today when I screamed at my toddler to stop throwing a tantrum. Or when I had to let my baby boy cry so that I could finish eating breakfast. Those were moments where I felt like a failure.
This year has been the most challenging year of my life. I had my gallbladder taken out last week, and the recovery from that surgery has been slow going. Taking care of myself with a rambunctious toddler and a new baby with some minor health issues has been more than I can handle. I feel so worn down both physically and emotionally, and I’m burdened by the mistakes that I’ve made as a parent.
Then God gave me a scripture verse.
Resting in His presence is what I need.
God is so good, and He knows when His children are tired and need a “nap”. That doesn’t mean that my circumstances are going to change, but my attitude can. I’ve been focusing on the negative things in my life. It’s time for me to focus on the beautiful parts of my life that are quickly passing by. So every day, I’m going to concentrate on these moments. I’m going to center my attention on the wonderful parts of motherhood, and what I love about my children.
I love this guy. He is precious. We’ve been snuggling in the mornings, and there’s nothing better than waking up to see this sweet little face. Hearing him breath and feeling his soft skin next to mine is heaven on earth.
I love Calvin’s smile and his easy-going personality. I also adore how much Calvin adores his sister Ella. Their interactions together make my heart melt (and sometimes make my heart race when Ella starts treating him like one of her baby dolls!). This kid is growing up so quickly. He’s going to be moving from the bassinet to his crib soon, and while I’ll appreciate the extra sleep, I’m going to miss hearing him snore and grunt in the middle of the night.
And then there’s this girl. Ella is such a joy to be around. She loves to have fun and nothing brightens my day more than listening to her giggle. I love her laugh. This picture is from me chasing her around the house. I have to remember to have these moments of pure fun with her.
Ella is the perfect combination of girly girl and tomboy. She’s not afraid of getting dirty, but she also loves watching me put on make-up. I let her use my make-up brushes, and it’s so cute to see her mimic what I do in the morning.
Wow. After writing all that I’m feeling better about things. I’ve got two beautiful miracles in my life, and we are doing just fine. I have to remember that God gave these kids to me not expecting me to be a perfect parent. That’s His job. All I have to do is continue to put my hope in His goodness and allow His grace and mercy to cover me throughout my many mistakes.