March 4th, 2013

74491_655234329488_1561263681_nToday my baby girl turns 2.

I knew this day was coming, but I still wasn’t prepared for all the emotions that hit me like at tidal wave this morning.  Two years ago my life changed for the better.  I remember the anticipation of her birth and how wonderful she felt in my arms.  Those chubby cheeks and those tiny toes are etched in my memory.

When the nurses first laid her on my chest I remember my heart skipping a beat at the sight of her beautiful face.

I also remember rolling my eyes when people would tell me how fast the time goes.  But, they were right.  It goes by so quickly, and I have to admit that there were times when I wanted it to.  Ella had silent reflux and let me tell you that was a frustrating journey.  I am so fortunate to have found a wonderful pediatrician who listened to us and helped us find a solution to making Ella feel better.  It was rough you guys.  Ella would scream for hours and never let me put her down.  Everyone told me that it was colic and that there was nothing we could do.  There were even people who questioned my parenting and told me what I was doing to help her was wrong.  I remember feeling hopeless and helpless as my baby arched her back in pain in my arms.

Those first couple months taught me to fall on my knees and surrender my situation to the one who is in control.  It was a lesson in trust and obedience.

Two years ago I became a mother.  I knew that it was going to be challenging, but I wasn’t prepared for how faithfully God has guided me throughout this journey.  He didn’t just throw me into a situation and let me figure it out on my own.  He has been equipping me to be the best mother that I can be.  As I give up more and more of myself, I’m gaining more and more of Him.  It’s a beautiful thing.

My daughter has wrecked me, body and soul.

She has ruined my figure, and although I struggled with this for a while I am learning to love this motherly body.  Those stripes on my belly remind me of the blessing that I carried in my womb for 9 months.  The bags under my eyes declare the sacrifices that I have made for my little girl.  I’m proud of my new mommy look.  Besides the outside, I am so glad that Ella changed me on the inside as well.  Before becoming a mother, I was a bit selfish and easily angered.  I had no patience either.  Ella has challenged me to work on those areas of my personality that are lacking.

My heart is full of joy and it’s all because of a sweet little girl named Ella.

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